how true ! lol

[Heelandcoo]

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water.
Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.

[Heelandcoo]

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
We are indebted to church ladies for these smiles.



These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins
or were announced in church services:



1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.



2. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'

The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'



3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.

It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.

Bring your husbands.



4. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.



5. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love.

Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.



6. Don't let worry kill you off – let the Church help.



7. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,'

giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.



8. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.



9. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.



10. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.

So ends a friendship that began in their school days.



11. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.

Music will follow.



12. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'

Come early and listen to our choir practice.



13. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members

and to the deterioration of some older ones.



14. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.



15. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.



16. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.



17. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.

They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.



18. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.

Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.



19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.

All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.



20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the

congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.



21. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.

Please use the back door.



22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.

The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.



23. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

[Heelandcoo]

Prepare now for the Beijing Olympics:



That's not right! - Sum Ting Wong



Are you harbouring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding



See me ASAP - Kum Hia Nao



Stupid Man - Dum Fuk



Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni



Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan



I bumped into a coffee table! - Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni



I think you need a face lift! - Chin Tu Fat



It's very dark in here! - Wai So Dim



I thought you were on a diet! - Wai Yu Mun Ching



This is a tow away zone! - No Pah King



Our meeting is scheduled for next week! - Wai Yu Kum Nao



Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo



He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka



Your body odour is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu



Great - Fa Kin Su Pa

[Heelandcoo]

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it and slowly and said to the stranger,

'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger.

'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK,' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.

But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -
yet a deer excretes little pellets,
while a cow turns out a flat patty,
and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says,

'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies,

'Do you REALLY feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh1t?'

[koala]

aye guid yins hen hud a guid laugh

cheers koala