getting old

[***Koala***]

Old age, I decided,
is a gift.
I am now,
probably for the first time in my life,
the person I have always
wanted to be.

Oh, not my body!

I sometimes despair
over my body ...
the wrinkles,
the baggy eyes,
and the
sagging butt.
And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives
in my mirror,
but I don't agonize over those things for long.


I would never trade my amazing friends,
my wonderful life,
my loving family
for less gray hair or a flatter belly.
As I've aged,
I've become more kind to myself,
and less critical of myself.
I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie,
or for not making my bed,
or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need,
but looks so avant-garde on my patio.
I am entitled to overeat,
to be messy,
to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends
leave this world too soon;
before they understood the great freedom
that comes with aging.
Whose business is it
if I choose to read
or play on the computer until 4 a.m.,
and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself
to those wonderful tunes of the 60's,
and if I,
at the same time,
wish to weep over a lost love...
I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit
that is stretched over a bulging body,
and will dive into the waves
with abandon if I choose to,
despite the pitying glances
from the bikini set.
They, too, will get old.


I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again,
some of life is just as well forgotten .
and I eventually remember
the important things.


Sure,
over the years,
my heart has been broken.
How can your heart not break
when you lose a loved one,
or when a child suffers,
or even when a beloved pet
gets hit by a car?

But broken hearts are what give us
strength
and understanding
and compassion.
A heart never broken is
pristine
and sterile
and will never know the joy
of being imperfect.
I am so blessed
to have lived long enough
to have my hair turn gray,
and to have my youthful laughs
be forever etched
into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed,
and so many have died
before their hair could turn silver.
I can say "no", and mean it.
I can say "yes", and mean it.


As you get older,
it is easier to be positive.
You care less about what other people think.
I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.


So,
to answer your question,
I like being old.
It has set me free.
I like the person I have become.
I am not going to live forever,
but while I am still here,
I will not waste time
lamenting what could have been,
or worrying about what will be.
And I shall eat dessert every single day.