LOL

[Heelandcoo]

A woman, quietly sitting at home one afternoon,
hears a knock at the front door. She goes to the door and opens it, a man standing there asks her, "Do you have a girl thingy?"
The woman slams the door in disbelief at what the
strange man had just asked her.The same thing happens for three consecutive days, so the woman decides she better tell her husband about this man. Her husband becomes outraged and says, "Tomorrow I am not going to work. If the man comes back and asks if you have a girl thingy, say yes, I will be hiding behind the door."
The next day the man comes back and knocks on the front door.
She opens the door, and when he asks if she has a
girl thingy, she says yes.
Then the man says to the woman, "Good then please tell your husband to stop screwing my wife".

[Heelandcoo]

25 things you should have learned by middle age!

1. If you' re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in
a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the vacation.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

[Heelandcoo]

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE
>
> This is interesting.
>
> DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
>
> It takes less than a minute .
>
> Work this out as you read ..
>
> Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
>
> This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
>
>
> 1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like
> to have chocolate
>
> (more than once but less than 10)
>
>
>
> 2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
>
>
>
> 3. Add 5
>
>
>
> 4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
>
>
>
> 5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 .... If
> you haven't, add 1755.
>
>
>
> 6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
>
>
>
> You should have a three digit number
>
>
>
>
>
> The first digit of this was the number of times you really want to
> eat Chocolate (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2006) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.