Polish Divorce

[Heelandcoo]

A Polish man moved to the USA and married anAmerican girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds? - Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? - It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? -
No,we have a carport

I mean. What are your relations like? - All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage? - We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up? - No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger? - No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce? - She going to kill me.

What makes you think that? - I got proof.

What kind of proof? - She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover

[Heelandcoo]

An Army Officer in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be a Corporal," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man,"How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip.

" The man below responded, "You must be an Army Officer." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

[Heelandcoo]

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his willy hanging out."I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said."I did," he said,
"And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

KIDS, DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM

[Heelandcoo]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She
Invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
Prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"
(If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people smiling in the world!)

[***Koala***]

guid yins hen ah specially liked the polish divorce yin
cheers koala