LOL

[Heelandcoo]

Subject: : Friday Golf


:

The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The
counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade
listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been
married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up,
goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately
rips off her clothes and makes mad passionate love to her.
Needless to say, the woman shuts up and sits quietly with a very
satisfied daze. The counselor turns to the husband and says, "that is
what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here
Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I play golf

[Heelandcoo]

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you!"

[Heelandcoo]

Dear Tony,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my
daughter. Will you forgive and forget?

I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose.
I now realize that motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I
should not have reacted so harshly to the fact that you have never
held a job. I also am sure that some other very nice people live
under the bridge in the park.

Sure, my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going
to University on a full scholarship. But, after all, you can't learn
everything about life from books.

I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool.

I have now come to my senses, and you have my full blessing to marry
my daughter.

Sincerely,

Adam
Your future father-in-law

p.s. Congratulations on winning the PowerBall lottery this week.

[Heelandcoo]

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one....
"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with
a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the rest room," she asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go pee", he said.
The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite. What About you John, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table."
And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners. I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a
moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.