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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:19:30 GMT -2
One day my husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he
stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I
use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it
say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of North Carolina."
And they say blondes are dumb...
_______________________
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:20:09 GMT -2
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:20:28 GMT -2
It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"That I married you for your money," she replied.
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:20:48 GMT -2
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to
you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:21:08 GMT -2
He said - "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you?"
She said - "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:21:35 GMT -2
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and
said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant
each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger..
Whoosh... immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:22:09 GMT -2
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:
* She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
* Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
* And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:22:34 GMT -2
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:25:09 GMT -2
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom,cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of
strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately
asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:31:27 GMT -2
The wife came home early & found her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady!
"You unfaithful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me, the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house, I want a divorce!" The husband, replied "Wait a minute! Before you leave at least listen to what happened"
I don't know but make it fast, you unfaithful pig you. The husband began to tell his story. "While driving home this young lady asked me for a ride. I saw her so defenceless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight. The poor thing, practically devoured them. Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans you have had for a few years that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because you said I don't have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister, and I also gave her the boots you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw a co-worker wearing the same pair." The husband continued his story. "The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door. When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asked me:
"Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use.
lol lol lol
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Post by Heelandcoo on Nov 26, 2005 23:33:51 GMT -2
Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing his crotch, and the teacher asked, \
Joey what are you doing?? Joey replied, ?Teacher, my mommy had me circumsized yesterday and it still hurts.?
So the teacher sent Joey to the principal's office to call his mother and ask what he should do.
When Joey came back from the office, the teacher noticed that he had his willy hanging out.
Shocked, the teacher asked, ?Joey, what are you doing!?? Joey answered,
Mommy told me to stick it out till lunch and then she would be here to pick me up.?
duh
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Post by bawheid on Dec 3, 2005 13:35:17 GMT -2
LOL
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