Terrorist flush out

[Heelandcoo]

Terrorist flush-out
This one was emailed around when Australia first became concerned about terrorist attacks, it was thought that this test would weed out Muslim terrorists who would not be able to control themselves. Though it was meant as a joke it probaly would have been more effective than the millions the government spent on anti-terrorist fridge magnets;

As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a
man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, this
Saturday at 2:00 PM Eastern time all Australian women
are asked to walk out of their house completely naked
to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists.


Circling your block for one hour is recommended for
this anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position
themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to
prove they are not Taliban, demonstrate that they
think it's okay to see nude women other than their
wife and to show support for all Australian women.


And since the Taliban also does not approve of
alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof
of your anti-Taliban sentiment.


The Australian Government appreciates your efforts to
root out terrorists and applauds your participation in
this anti-terrorist activity.


God bless Australia!

By the way, if you see anything suspicious, the terrorist hotline in Asutralia is 1800 - 123400

[Heelandcoo]

Jokes about women
Why do women stop menstruating in their fifties? 'Cos they need the blood for their varicose veins!

How do you know your wife's dead? Sex is the same but the dishes pile up high in the kitchen!

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb in the kitchen? Why bother? Can't the biatch cook in the dark?

Why do men fart more than women? 'Cos women never shut their mouth for long enough to let the gas build up!

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"

If it's got tits or wheels sooner or later you're gonna have problems with it.

What have women and dog turds got in common? The older they get, the easier to pick up!!

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,

A carton of eggs,

A quart of orange juice,

A head of romaine lettuce,

A 2 lb. can of coffee,

And a 1 lb. package of bacon.


As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated," You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly"



Two blokes bump into eachother in the supermarket. Sorry mate, says the first one, I am a bit nervous, I lost my wife, can't find her anywhere. Second bloke replies; gee, I can't find mine either, how about we go and look for them together? Sure, says the first one, what does you wife look like? Eh well, she's blonde, long hair, tall slim body, well tanned, large breasts and she's wearing a tight fitting low cut black dress. What does your wife look like? Forget about my wife, says the other bloke, let's go and look for yours!


Sheila wants an all over suntan but is not quite sure how to ho about it so she says to Bruce; you reckon I should go sunbathing in the nuddy in the backyard? Yeah, no worries, says Bruce, go fot it. But what if the neighbours see me naked, what will they think? Bruce; that I married you for your money.....


Two outback cowboys are having a chat about their favourite sexual positions, when one of them says; I like the rodeo rider.
The rodeo rider? The other cowboy says, what is that, never heard of it! Well, says the first cowboy, when you're doing it doggy style you lean forward, get a firm hold of your wife's boobs and then you whisper in her ear; gee, they feel exactly the same as your sister's.. And then you try to stay on for another ten seconds!!


Blonde to her friend; I have to be really careful not to get pregnant. Her friend; but didn't your husband get a vasectomy done recently? Yes, exactly, that's why...