AH WEE IRISH YIN

[Heelandcoo]

An Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her; " Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through??!!"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."
"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bed-roomed mansion, plus a savings account certificate for £5 million.For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)...an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
The father, taken aback by all of this says, "What was it you said you had become?"
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff"
"Oh! Be Jesus! - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a Protestant". Come here and give your old man a hug!"

[OJohnny]

>Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little sh1t, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

>"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

>"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

>"That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight

Cheers te yi wan an all
O' Johnny