A. A. A. D. D.

[Heelandcoo]

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the rubbish bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full! So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the rubbish anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only 1 cheque left.
My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the can of Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the Refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the table catches my eye, they need to be watered
I set the Coke down on the table, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the Kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen Table, so I decide to put it back in the lounge room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers vase, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels, and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.


At the end of the day:
* the car isn't washed
* the bills aren't paid
* there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the table
* the flowers don't have enough water,
* there is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book,
* I can't find the remote control
* I can't find my glasses
* and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired and go to bed and wonder what else I have forgotten to do.
I realise this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my E-mail but have forgotten my password
Do me a favour, will you? Forward this message to everyone you
know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

[Heelandcoo]

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with very low intellect read their e-mails with
their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Thank you for your time with this part of the study.

LOL Caught ya! LOL

[Heelandcoo]

A woman, quietly sitting at home one afternoon,
hears a knock at the front door. She goes to the door and opens it, a man standing there asks her, "Do you have a girl thingy?"

The woman slams the door in disbelief at what the
strange man had just asked her.
The same thing happens for three consecutive days,
so the woman decides she better tell her husband about this man. Her husband becomes outraged and says, "Tomorrow I am not going to work. If the man comes back and asks if you have a girl thingy, say yes, I will be hiding behind the door."

The next day the man comes back and knocks on the front door.
She opens the door, and when he asks if she has a
girl thingy, she says "Yes".

Then the man says to the woman, "Good. Then please tell your husband to stop screwing my wife".

[Heelandcoo]

Subject: Why men are happier








Men Are Just Happier People.

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station
restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your
friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

[Heelandcoo]

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom, pulled Jim out and brought him to his room.

When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.

She went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis. By jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient, you displayed sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

[Heelandcoo]

Subject: The Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay
her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the
bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry,
your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any
testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few
moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind
legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top
to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head

The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later
with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at
the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its
head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is
most definitely,100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced
a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took
the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it from the
beginning, the bill would have been $20, but now with the Lab Report and
the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00.

[***Koala***]

guid yins hen specially the A.A.A.D.D. soonds jist like me........lol